I know, you must be saying to yourself: "Sure, 'Senior Rubber Chicken' sounds like an impressive, powerful position, but I bet it's just a fluff job." Well, you'd be wrong! My many duties include:

Engineering process management. I enforce consistency among the one-hundred-odd development engineers by acting as a physical arbitrator during source-code submission.

Stress management and reduction. I promote a healthy office environment by offering myself as a tangible target for normal everyday workplace violence and tension.

Team meeting facilitation. I ensure that our meetings stick to their agenda, and that everyone walks away with a set of specific action items.

 

Here are some other Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about me:

Q: Is the Dreamweaver development team really as fast, loose, and out of control as the many movies, tell-all biographies, and celebrity interviews about them seem to indicate?
A: Well, I can't say too much about that while the various legal cases are still pending, but I can tell you that our weekly expenditures for "novelty" items regularly run in the thousands of dollars.

Q: What do you think of other Macromedia products?
A: They rock! Buy them in bulk packages of one thousand or more!

Q: In an increasingly wetware-centric virtual reality, creme-de-la-creme webmasters will become Way New Information Guerillas, appropriating and recontextualizing content and grabbing mind- and eye-share for the next millenium. Will Dreamweaver lead this glorious revolution?
A: Who are you, Louis Rossetto?

Q: What's the content model for <SPAN>?
A: Processed meat, mostly. Oh, you said <SPAN>. Uh, I dunno, you'll have to ask Ben. He should be in around 2 am.

Q: Have you been working on any special projects recently?
A: Funny you should ask... I've just been featured in a photo essay entitled "Foghorn Takes Flight", and I do believe I have a future in film.

Q: Did you know that the white leghorn is genetically engineered to be the perfect chicken for frying?
A: Uh...next question.

Q: No, you don't understand! The white leghorn! It's genetically engineered! For frying! It's perfect!
A: That's really great. GUARDS!

Q: Does anyone else on the team have a home page as cool as yours?
A: Of course not, but you can check out their puny attempts at www.dreamcentral.com anyway.

Q: Shouldn't you have a funny Southern accent?
A: You must be thinking of someone else.

 

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No actual chickens were harmed during the authoring of this page.